Alex and Simon on Couples Therapy – Alex Falls on Her Ass and Then Some

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VH1′s site finally posted episode 3 of Couples Therapy so I can finally recap this famous episode. Though I’m only talking about Simon and Alex on this show, they seem to be pretty irrelevant as far as I’ve seen. They’re not the controversial couple they were in RHONY. That title is actually given to 52 year-old Doug and his 17 year-old wife Courtney, who wears skimpy outfits and seems to just want attention. But since they’re not the fame whores I care about, you can just watch on Vh1′s site, because I’m not going to recap them.

Now let’s go on to Silex fake marital problems. Shall we?

So about seven minutes in all the couples are in their group therapy session and the therapist says that to be a celebrity most people have to sell apart of themselves and their marriage. The cameras on them when she talks about selling yourself to be on reality tv. Well, atleast we know she has ability see through Silex.Simon says they joined the Real Housewives not knowing what they were getting themselves into. Okay, I can understand that. The Real Housewives was a relatively new franchise at the time so I can understand not knowing the negatives that come with it. But that’s where my empathy ends. He then says that they got the “raw hand” on the show. What exactly is their “raw hand?” Acting like they were part of the best of NY and portraying themselves as social climbers? Selling naked pictures of Alex to In Touch magazine in order to get some publicity? Why are they acting like such victims to reality tea, whining about how they got the shorter end of the stick when they were probably relishing every moment? According to Simon, they decided to sign on for a second season because “it couldn’t get any worse.” Then he starts crying and saying how people thinking his children were always misbehaved was horrible.  While I do admit that having your children being labeled as a misbehaved brat is pretty horrible, Simon really glossed over so, so, so many things that should have been addressed if he really was in therapy in order to save his marriage. If his problems were real, he’d be in tears, opening up about his regret of selling out nudes of his wife, trying to force his kids to do boring things in front of the camera in order for them to look good, and more importantly, go on Couples Therapy and fake that they have marriage problems. But that means not being in the limelight so that sure ain’t gonna happen.Later, Alex and Simon are chatting with one of the therapists about wine when, all of a sudden, they argue. According to the therapist, they argue about every little thing.The therapist asks Simon if he contradicts everything Alex says. Simon tries to explain but then Alex interrupts him and yells at him for always interrupting her.Alex calls Simon obnoxious but Simon tells her to let him be obnoxious. Hmmm…I think there’s a lot more that Alex should be angry about then him interrupting her in a conversation. She says she wants respect. Maybe this argument is a cover for a lot more feelings then they’re willing to say.  But now it’s all about how disrespectful and inconsiderate it is for Simon to keep on contradicting Alex and I don’t know how authentic it is.It’s night and after a dip in the pool Alex is met by Simon. She asks him if he thinks he talks too much and how he dominates the conversation and crap.Simon says it’s not his fault for her feeling that way and she gets fake angry. She’s sick and tired of hearing it, grrrr.  And then she…Curses and jumps up from the pool.She starts stomping off and then…BOOM! She slips and falls on her ass.Simon asks if she’s alright but she just wants him to talk to the hand.

NEXT WEEK ON COUPLES THERAPY

Simon and Alex seem pretty irrelevant once again.

Alex McCord and Simon Van Kempen on Couples Therapy

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Apparently, Jill Zarin isn’t the only booted housewife aching for the limelight. I recently found out that Alex McCord and Simon Van Kempen are on season 2 of VH1′s Couple Therapy. I’ve never watched it before, but it’s basically a show for washed up D-list celebrities to whore their marriage out for tv. So of course this is the perfect place for for Simon and Alex to join in order to stay in the public eye. Since I don’t normally watch this show, I’ll only recap the scenes with Simon and Alex in it.

They’re the third couple to be introduced. According to the therapist/announcer, their marriage was torn to shreds by the media when they were on the Real Housewives. So the only logical thing to do is to go on another reality show on national television so their marriage could be torn apart by the media once again. Anyone besides me smelling bullshit?The therapist claims that their wanting to have the last word is destroying their marriage. What a crock of shit. Had she actually watched an episode of RHONY, she’d know that they were extremely codependent and desperate social climbers.  If I were her, I’d try to get to the root of why they would lie about their marriage to get on a frickin reality show.They meet Nik Richie, another castmate and writer on Dirty, a blog I’ve never heard about. Apparently, it’s where people post pictures of someone they hate so Nik could write shit about them. Simon knows about this because he’s probably posted pictures of Jill Zarin and Ramona a couple of times.

They’re pretty irrelevant for the rest of the next episode. On to the next one!

I’m not an expert in body language, but while most of the other couples seem distant, Alex and Simon seem totally comfortable in each others’ presence.

In group therapy, the therapist asks what their darkest moment in their relationship was. Alex tells them it was when they were arguing and she said she wanted a divorce. But then Simon told her that they can’t because then this show wouldn’t cast them. She then says she’s “embarrassed” for being here. Seriously, you’re not embarrassed of depicting yourselves as Social Climbers on RHONY? You’re not embarrassed of forcing your kid to do meaningless stuff he doesn’t want in front of the camera just to better your image as parents of a future Harvard alumni?

Well that’s it for the first two episodes. They’re still pretty irrelevant. On episode 3, which isn’t on VH1′s site, Alex will fake fight with Simon and then literally fall on her ass. Fun.

Jill Zarin: Back on Watch What Happens Live and Crazier than Ever!

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So after 15 months(she’s been counting) of trying to be relevant, Jill Zarin finally got Andy Cohen to succumb to his pity and let her on Watch What Happens Live. He probably knew how she was gonna act, because, boy was he calm and well-spoken.  Then again, he figured that it was best to just let the crazy unravel itself.

So Andy started off light and asked what the hell was up with her face. She started babbling about some Omega 3 shit and Patricia Wexler, actually expecting us to believe that she didn’t get any work done. Ha!

The subject then moves on to Jill bring dropped by Bravo. Jill really wants to know how she could be fired, out of all people! It’s not like she was almost sabotaged Bethanny’s career in season 3 and constantly targeted Alex and Ramona in season 4. Andy sugarcoated the fact that everyone thought she was a crazy, narcissistic, bitter bitch that everyone was sick of watching quite nicely. He even used her favorite word, “toxic.”

Jill proceeds to say that her being booted from the show was like a “death” and “her funeral” and that Bravo was “her parents.” What.The.Fuck.  If she really was as successful and involved in Zarin fabrics as she portrayed on the show then it wouldn’t have been the Apocalypse for the little world in Jill’s head when she was fired.

Of course, Jill’s jealous of Bethanny. But she’s even jealous that Jiggy is getting more attention that Ginger! Ha! She goes on and says that she changed and blah, blah, blah. All of that’s been said before and it’s never turns out to be true so I don’t know why she keeps blabbing about it. To show just how jealous and delusional she is,  she states, in front of the vice president and all the crew members, that the ratings have plummeted since she left the show. The poor girl still thinks that she actually has any fans left.

She tries to convince the audience that she became friends with Alex at the end of the season. Bravo then proceeds to air a scene from the season 4 reunion when she calls Alex “a fucking bitch.” Nice one Bravo. Jill disses the current new housewives and claim that people actually go up to her and ask how her family was doing. This has probably happened at the most 3 times since she’s been off the air. She of course disses Heather, who has been called a milder version of Jill Zarin this season. Jeez, it’s only been five minutes and Jill let all the crazy out.

 

Oh man. There’s such much delusion to write down, I’m gonna just do a little script of what happens next.

Andy: Do you miss being in the limelight?

Jill: I’m not out of the limelight! Even though I have no fans left, I guest star on this worthless segment of Good Afternoon America that was cancelled!

Andy: But do you miss being on the show?

Jill: Yes I do (I would sell my family’s soul to be on the show again). I’m friends with LuMan, I was the only friend of Krazy Kelly, and I’m still good friends with Alex even though I called her a bitch 400x on the show (Please let me back). Ramona and I have a truce (I’ll do anything Andy, please).]

Andy: So Bethenny…

Jill: It was Bravo’s fault that I look bad. You picked sides! Wah! I used the fight between Bethenny and I to make good tv and I didn’t tell her because I wanted her to be the bad guy. I swear, I thought we’d be friends again even though I told her “I’m done.” She used me! Wah! She made up with her husband but not me! I only wanted to make my image better, that’s all. WAAAAAAHHHHHHH!

Andy: You clearly watch her show.

Jill: I only watch some of it even though I can recite each season word for word. I only catch a little bit I swear.

Andy: Given a second chance, would you change what happened season 3?

Jill: Yes. Me setting Bethenny up was horrible for my image.

Andy: You told the other castmates not to shoot with Bethenny.

Jill: But it’s Bethenny’s fault that I did that. She taught me how to do it!!!!!!

Andy: You really took a hit season 3.

Jill: It’s all Bravo’s fault! You took sides! Wahhh! I remember on the first episode of season 3 you had Bethenny on WWHL! But I’m obsessive over her, honest. It was a no win situation for me. Bethenny has a memory of an elephant. She wanted to break off from me even though I cut it off.

 

This is exhausting. So the rest of WWHL is basically her trying to smear Ramona, comparing the housewives getting pedicures to be frickin firing squad(seriously?!?),  saying she made great tv, making some shots on Luann’s irrelevancy, and trying to convince the audience that she has fans. She seriously acted like she didn’t know that she could buy followers! Ha!

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